Leadership is to disciple all people that we lead. This is leading by example. Jesus instructs us to go and make disciple of all nations (Mat 28:18-20 NIV). Discipleship of Jesus type is not by teaching only but mostly by live to live. His disciples follow in His steps. When people saw disciples they recognized Christ life in them.

The way we lead our home also affect those that we leads. Our home must be good example to those that we lead for us to preach complete gospel to them.

Jesus told the disciples: “I have given you an example that you should do as I have done to you” (John 13:15). Paul followed Christ’s lead and also exhorted his followers to do the same when he said: “Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). Can you say these words to those you lead?


One of the greatest problems facing many families today is the lack of leadership by the husband. Some husbands don’t realize that God has ordained them for this role, while others simply don’t understand how they should lead; still others simply refuse to lead. In marriage counseling I see this problem over and over again. It is clear that the lack of the husband’s leadership in his home will definitely create a chain reaction of marital, financial, and parenting problems.

The godly husband is to lead his family. You are to lead your family. Though some may assume that this is a kind of leadership that depends on fear and dominance, the Bible teaches something very different. When speaking of male headship, the Bible gives us the ultimate example of ultimate leadership. “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Ephesians 5:23). The husband is to be head of his wife in the same way that Christ is head of his church. And what kind of headship did Christ offer the church? Was it harsh or loving? Was it domineering or gentle? Was it proud or humble? Christ loved the church so much that He never did anything harsh to her, He never did anything unfitting, He never did anything angry or unjust. He loved the church so much that he counted it as more precious than His own life. He gave up his own life so that she might live. This, Christ himself, is the model for you as a godly husband. If you wish to lead your family in a way that is faithful to Scripture, you will study the way Christ loved the church and you will seek to imitate your Savior.

Lead In Leadership 

There are different areas or levels of leadership within the family structure. The wife leads areas of the family and older children may assume leadership in some areas. In a household that includes in-laws or non-family members there may be more levels of leadership even than that. But as husband you are the leader of leaders. You are responsible for overall direction, vision, leadership of the family. We see this, for example, in 1 Timothy 3:12 where we find among the qualifications for a deacon that he must manage his children and his household well. He manages well by leading well.

This is more a responsibility than it is a privilege (see Matthew 20:26-28). This is an opportunity for you to serve your family through godly, servant leadership and not an opportunity for you to lord it over your family as a ruthless tyrant. As the leader of the leaders you ensure that others are leading as they should, that they are leading only in the areas they should. You will find humble and dignified ways of ensuring that others are leading well and that they are doing what they should as they should.

Lead In Worship

The godly husband leads his family in worship. He ensures that the family members are worshiping and that they are worshiping in a way that is consistent with Scripture.

You need to lead in corporate worship. You need to take the lead in corporate worship, not only in ensuring that your family attends church but also in the choice of church. You need to lead your family in choosing a church, in attending that church and in worshiping at that church.

You need to lead in family worship. Corporate worship, is absolutely essential to the Christian faith. Christians have long emphasized the importance of regular (usually daily) family worship. This is a good practice to begin as soon as you get married. If you have not yet begun this practice, do so today! Family worship does not need to be long or intricate but should consist at least of the reading of Scripture and prayer. This is an ideal opportunity for a man to spend time reading the Bible to his family and to ensure that they understand and apply that Word. It is a great time to spend in prayer, teaching your children to pray, and praying together for common concerns.

You need to lead in personal worship. The godly husband knows the value of personal devotions. You must be committed to spending time one-on-one with God through the reading of the Word and prayer. If you are to be a godly leader in your home, you need to take the lead in this. It is important for our children to know from a young age that we prioritized personal worship; it is important part of our lives that they have to imitate.

A godly husband will do more than ensure he is spending his own time in the Word and in prayer. He will also seek to ensure that his wife is doing the same. This may mean helping her find the time, perhaps by giving her a few minutes in the evening while he bathes the kids or while he reads a story to them.

He will also help his children understand the need for reading and prayer and will take the lead in helping them begin to read the Word and pray. He may not be involved with this day-to-day but he will still be following-up with his children to ensure they have been learning from the Word and that they have been praying. He will speak with them about what they have been reading, helping them understand and apply it.

Ask your wife if she has time in her day to read the Bible and pray. If she does not, help her to find the time. Ask her what works well for her and do what you can to free her up from other responsibilities during those times.

Lead as a Father

The husband is the one who is ultimately responsible for his children. Too many men have abdicated this responsibility, assuming that the mother is the one who is primarily responsible for raising the kids. But no, it is you, the father, who must lead your children. It is not without importance that the Bible’s admonitions to raise godly children are directed not at wives but at husbands. Similarly, until recent times the majority of books on parenting were targeted not at mothers but at fathers. In the past people have understood what today we tend to ignore. Dad is primarily responsible for raising the children.

Of course this does not excuse mothers from being involved in raising their children. It does not in any way mean that mothers will be uninvolved in raising the children. Instead it simply shows that it is ultimately you who bear responsibility before God to ensure that children are raised in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). You must take the lead and bear the responsibility in teaching and training your children. In many cases you will delegate this to others–mothers, teachers, Sunday school teachers, and so on. But you are the one who leads and who is most answerable to God. Providing for all the needs of your children both physical, spiritual, education and home training.

Lead as a Husband

The reality of male headship means that a husband is responsible for his wife’s well-being in a way she is not responsible for his. It falls upon you, for example, to take initiative in ensuring that your wife has sufficient opportunity to spend time in Scripture and prayer. It falls upon you to ensure that you live peaceably with your wife so that your prayers (not her prayers) may not be hindered by any discord between you (see 1 Peter 3:7). As leader, you bear the greater responsibility and the greater burden. Here are some specific ways you must lead your wife:

Lead with Love. The leadership of the godly husband is marked by love (Ephesians 5:25). Your wife, aware as she is of your sin, should never have reason to doubt that you love her, that you love your children, that you are committed to serving your bride in this unique role. You must be willing to forsake your own desires, your own comfort, your own rights in order to express love for your wife. Your leadership must be marked with the kind of love that marked Christ’s love for His church. That same love, that same desire for God’s glory, flows from Christ to the husband and into the family.

Lead with Gentleness. The godly husband leads his wife with meekness and gentleness. You need to be aware of your own sin and your own failings. You need to lead your wife gently, aware of her own struggles and weaknesses. Heed the word of God. (1 Peter 3:7).

Lead with Dignity. The godly husband does not mock or belittle his wife. You must not lead her through scorn or sarcasm or anger or punishment. Lead your wife with special delight and dignity, leading her differently than you would lead a child or an employee. Lead her with an awareness that you are a servant first, a leader second. Do nothing to puff yourself up with pride but everything to show your wife that you esteem her higher than yourself.

Lead with Confidence. Lead your wife with a humble confidence, even when you are called upon to make difficult or unpopular decisions. Lead with confidence that God is willing and able to bless you for your obedience.

If you do not lead your family, someone else will; someone else will have to. But God has called you to lead, to lead with great joy and delight, to lead though it may be costly, and to lead with love. Lead your wife, lead your family, and do it all for the glory of God.


“Blessed is the man (or woman) who listens to Me, watching daily at My gates, waiting at the posts of My doors.” Proverbs 8:3.

In Bible times, the gates of the city were more than an entrance way. They were the busiest place in the city. They were a hub of activity. It was here that the elders sat to rule and direct matters of the people. It was at the gates the soldiers stood to guard and protect the city. It was here the people gathered to hear the prophets proclaim the Word of the Lord.

Just inside the gates the markets flourished. But where were the women? They were not in the city gates. They stood sentinel at the gates of their homes, watching and guarding against any intrusion of the enemy. The men were the city gate-keepers but the women were the home gate keepers.

There is a difference between a house and a home. Our homes should be places that are sanctuary from worldly attitudes and pressures, a place to retreat.

Just as it was an honour to be chosen to be an elder and sit in the gates of the city, so it is an honourable position to guard the gates of your home. It may not be admirable in the eyes of society, but it is very important in the eyes of God. It is a God-ordained mandate. As a gate keeper of our homes we will find a life full of challenges, adventure, and fruit abounding.

The first time the word “guard” is used in the Bible is in Genesis 2:15 where God put Adam (and then Eve) in the garden “to dress it and keep it.” The word ‘keep’ in the Hebrew is shamar which means “to guard, keep safe, preserve, protect, and watch.” This was the task that God gave to His first creation. They were to work in the home and garden God provided for them and to guard it. Every home must be guarded. Every home must be protected. This task is mandated by God.

The Greek word for “be keepers of the home” in Titus 2:3-5 is oikouros which means ‘to guard, to watch. This simply means to be a gate keeper. You are to guard your castle, do not let go of your keys. Do not let the enemy in. We cannot be watching too carefully, remember it is the “little foxes that can spoil the vine.” (Song of Solomon 2:15)

Watch and pray Read Matt 26:41, 1 Cor 16:13. Be awake 1 Thess 5:6,

Virtuous woman Prov 31:27 (AMP)  She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.

I Tim. 5:14; Tit. 2:5.

You may be feeling that the enemy has already crept into your home and spoiled your gates. Or perhaps you feel as if you are the only one in your home interested in being a gate keeper. Do not despair. There is hope found in God’s mercy and prayer! Rise up and repair your gates! God may have called you for such a time as this!

What a watchman does.

  1. 2 Samuel 18:24-27- He take note of what is coming
  2. 2 Kings 9:17-18- Report what is happening
  3. Isa 21:5-8- Watch day and night
  4. Ezekiel 3:17 Give warning
  5. Ezekiel 33:2-9 If give no warning, he will be blamed


Affirmation: I am watching at my post!

Close your time in prayer with the Lord thanking Him for His word that shows us what to watch for, and for appointing us as women a watchwoman over the gates of our homes.


In the same way a dress can be made in a variety of sizes and colors with numerous differences in detail from one pattern, so my marriage may look different from yours. As we acknowledge Christ as Lord of our lives, we must work out our marriages according to God’s plan. The key is for each wife to follow God’s plan, know her part, and work to fit in with her husband’s responsibilities.



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